The Nana and Me

So, on Monday I took Tae to work. It went against all that I believed in. I always said I would never take my kid to work because work is work. Basically (without sounding snobbish), I hate when people bring their kids to work and they run around and cause chaos (the kids that is), which in my opinion is disrespectful to fellow colleagues. I also want to keep the two facets, home and work, exactly that, home and work. And to add one more thing, I have been fortunate enough to have a boss who has given me the tools to be able to work from home if need be. And believe me, if I take a day off to work from home, then I really do WORK. There has never been a need to bring Tae to work until today…

Anyhow. I arrived at work at about 07:00 on Monday leaving LB at home to wait for Holly and play with Tae. Was my bosses first day back since his 2 week break, and I was keen to get to work and get work done only he could help with.

At about 08h00 I got a call from LB saying Holly hadn’t arrived and he needed to get to work in half an hour for a conference. I dropped everything, rushed home and we swopped duties. I tried (not very hard) to get hold of Holly, but both her and her husbands phones were off. I remember her telling me she was going to Mafikeng for a wedding, so I assumed transport issues.¬†I really wasn’t phased. This was the first time in 15 months that we had ever had a ‘nanny not pitching to work’ issue. Hell, even one day Holly arrived with no shoes saying that taxi owners were shooting at each other and she had to run away and lost her shoes in the process. Still made it to work, no shoes, but at work! My kinda gal! I ended up giving her a pair of my mothers Skechers to work in. I know my mom would have approved that!

ANYWAY! Because I literally dropped everything to go home, I thought to myself that I would go home, pack all Tae’s stuff up and take her to my work. Gulp. Breaking a rule. But it was fine. I thought, “lemme go in, finish what I need to, and then leave”.

(side note: this is the second time I am typing this blog story out trying to make it short, but clearly I am a “full story” type of gal)

So I packed Tae up. Wet her “mieliepip hare” (can’t take her in public looking like a golliwog like she does when she wakes) and bundled her up to go to work… Briefly, remember?

We arrived and I carried her in. Sat at my desk and started working. She clung onto me like a monkey and went all shy to the attention that she was receiving. Cue: exploding mommy heart. With each and every day that passes Tae becomes more… Um… Not sure how to explain… Maybe, expressive? Aware? Aware that I am her mommy, aware of her surroundings, aware of herself as a being? Either way, her clinginess to me makes my heart explode!

So, after some time she settled and started playing quietly. She was so good, an absolute angel, that before I knew it she was all played out and tired. I hadn’t finished my work and decided to try my very best to put her to sleep. Well, this is where my sleep training paid off… BIG TIME! I had enough blankets with me and made a fairy/Christmas bed in the smallest corner by my desk. I picked Tae up, kissed her, gave her her bottle and bunny, and lay her down while I continued with work.

I carried on chatting (loudly) to my colleagues and before I knew it, she was asleep! She passed out in her Christmas bed behind moms desk.

(tried my very best to insert a photo of her sleeping behind my desk, but we won’t go into conversation about how dick my iPad is being)

I was so incredibly proud! So impressed at how proud my kid had made me, and herself, and looked so incredibly rad by her good behaviour.

I needed to run over to the other departments miles away, but asked the girls in my office to watch her sleep and call me for anything. She just slept. Two and a half hours later and still sleeping!

She woke at 13h30 and was a tad grumpy. I changed her nappy, shouted at her for trying to play with the plugs (cue: first flood of tears), but then she happily played and carried on once she built a bridge and got over herself ūüėČ

Before I knew it I got a phone call from LB asking where we were and I realized that we had lasted a whole day! Tae had been an angel, and despite me breaking my own rule, it really wasn’t that bad! It was 16:15 and we were still going strong! Too much pride and happiness to express.

The whole point of this story is just to state how incredibly proud I am of my little girl. Not only did she make it through a day at mummy’s work, but she did it spectacularly!

She was quiet, cute, considerate, amazing and just a blessing to have. The fact that we stayed until I after 16:00 without me realising is amazing!

I do remember at one stage walking to my bosses office asking him “serious business ” questions with Tae on my hip, but he was also so good as to treat me “normally” even though I had an attachment. Work carried on regardless of having a kid there. Made me proud! This whole experience was eye opening and opinion changing!

Tatum, you were amazing! You blew everyone’s mind away. And more importantly, you made mommy so proud… You made me beam with delight!

Thank you so much my angel! I will keep your tantrums to myself ūüėČ

P.S. this scenario will never have a repeat option ūüôā

P.P.S. I tried to upload photos of you on the day, but both my MacBook and iPad are being retarded. So sorry…

I stole this off Gina’s blog and thought to do it for tae since I am such an awesome, diligent blogger… NOT

TV programme:  Teletubbies. You shout at the TV when they come on, and dance with them
iPhone App:  Balloon Pop hands down. Your dad has it, I have it and the iPad has it. Balloon Pop heaven!
Meal:  Mince and mash, or roast chicken and mash. You gobble both of these up
Fruit:  Naartjie
Vegetable:  Gemsquash
Breakfast:  Jungle oats

Drink:  Watered down juice and fridge water

Toy:  Your shopping trolley that Exmi gave you, and my phone
You love:¬†¬†Your “dawg”, cuddles and hanging upside down

Something that happened yesterday:

You dragged me to the couch so you could sit on top of me to watch Teletubbies. Heart melt right there

 

It’s nearly been a year. A year since I lost my best friend, my mother.

It hits me at times when I least know it. Like now. Ok, its midnight on the 11th month since she left me. Left me alone, grasping at straws, reaching out to whoever will listen. I need a mother. A mother figure, that will guide me and support me the way you did.

I reach out but feel I hit brick walls. No one understands me like you did. No one knows me like you did. All they do is break me down, where as you used to listen and pick me up. I broke, and you made me whole.

I have my own family and it feels awesome, I am so in love with my amazing man and baby, but I still want you! You never judged, always listened, and were never condescending. No matter what, you let me vent, cry, throw tantrums, whatever, but would then help fix the situation. Hold me in your arms and gave me reassurance. Never pushy.

You weren’t perfect, in fact sometimes I wish you would disappear. But now that you gone I miss that pain in the ass you used to be. I long for your calls and messed up smses. I was the only one that understood you.

I know you happy and peaceful, and that makes me happy. But I will never stop missing the one person I felt complete me. I wish I could share my success with you, you would be so proud!

Tatum is just as clingy as I was. Makes my heart swell, you were right all along!

I know you can never come back, and
I don’t want you back because you are happier where you are, you deserve it! Life on earth treated you bad. You never deserved it. But this longing for you will never leave me.

You were the best, the most awesome, incredible, inspirational person I knew. You fought tooth and nail until the end. Never gave up, we always pulled through.

I don’t want to finish the post, but need to. This blog was about Tatum and her progress, but I feel (later on life) she needs to know what I felt.

We both lost an angel, your legacy will live on, I will ensure that! I love you always and forever

P.S. She loves the toothbrush you bought her, I opened it today. You see, even after you gone your legacy still lives

Mothers Day I was fine. I was happy, content and generally felt ok.

Today I am not. I am a mess. It is always the non-important days that hit me hard.

I miss her so much. I want her so badly. I am hiding my pain, but it sucks. Please Mommy, come back. I need you, and I need you now. Please

Not sure what to feel.

Mothers Day¬†wasn’t really a big day for me when it came to my mom. My mothers birthday¬†is 16 May and we would either celebrate both on Mothers Day, or her birthday. But her birthday honestly¬†meant more¬†to me.

Someone told me (or I read somehwere-cant remember) that the pain of losing a loved one doesnt get smaller, but life gets bigger. Each and every day I am more in awe of my mother and what an amazing woman she was. Yes, she had her fair share of shit, but I got over that. I think about her daily and how beautiful she was, in and out. I think it is because I am now a mother and realise that all she did in her life was for us, pretty much how Iwould doing anything for Tatum.

I miss her so much, but thankfully life is getting bigger. Her damn perfume is still hanging around and at least once a week I get a wiff of her. Pretty sure she ‘pops’ in. Or I am going crazy. Either way¬†I like it ūüôā

 Tatum is incredible and I am so proud to be her mom! She blows me away constantly. I am truly so blessed. Life is ridiculously good and my baby just completes it all! My amazing man made MD very special for me, and I have amazing friends who have helped me too. Today I am honestly not that sad.

But it’s her birthday that is going to¬†kill me…

Dear Tatum,

My gosh, you are 8 months old today! A whole 2 thirds of a year my girl. You starting to become more and more of a little person and even though I thought it wasn’t possible, I am enjoying you more and more everyday. The love I have for you is too big to fit on this blog ūüėČ

Mommy has been a bad blogger, but since you have arrived there really has been very little time and my priorities have changed (you, you, you and you). In no particular order, I am going to wrack my brain and spew out all the little things you do that make me love you more and more everyday…

You can sit
You laugh easily
You can put things in your mouth.
Pass things from one hand to another
Slap mommy (not so much love here)
Undo your nappy (another one)
Got a tooth (16 March 2011
Had 2 fevers
Eat solids
Eat meat
Love gemsqaush
Eat a cookie
Eat biltong
Squash our toes with your walker
Glide effortlessly around the house in your walker
Sit and play with toys for 20 min +
Launch yourself to crawl
Face plant, numerous times.
Hold your own bottle
Find your bottle (sometimes) in your bed and drink
Put yourself to sleep, mommy just puts you in your cot (big achievement)
Pooh in your sleep (not a great achievement)
Succeed in taking over a king size bed single handedly
Sit quietly while I cut your nails
Squirm when I clean your ears
Laugh when we come home from work
Manipulate us
Melt our hearts
Wrap us tighter around your pinky.

I love you so much my baba. You are too adorable for words. I can’t wait to learn more about you. Proud to be your mamma!

Xxx

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